January/February 2025 Print - Aging Well Rochester

Creating a dementia-friendly home

Imagine living in a home you’ve known for years but that suddenly feels unfamiliar and confusing. This is the reality for many people with cognitive impairment. If you care for someone with dementia, you may be wondering how to help them continue living at home as they decline. Start by creating an environment that supports both their safety and comfort.

There are basic strategies to use throughout the house. Remember that not only memory changes, but also spatial awareness and depth perception. So, simplify: Remove clutter. Use soothing colors, no busy patterns, and contrasting colors to emphasize a change in surface (door vs. wall, a step vs. floor). Good lighting is important, but eliminate glare. Also fix any odd hinge squeaks or sounds that might be confusing.

Then look at things room by room. Here are some suggestions:

Living room. Remove throw rugs, which are a fall hazard, and any seldom-used furniture. Put their favorite chair in clear view of the kitchen or bathroom. Keep familiar items such as photos, a clock, or a calendar that make it feel like home.
Kitchen. Open shelving or see-through cabinets make it easier to find items. Label closed storage with pictures or words. Stove coils can be replaced with temperature-limiting burners. Many smart appliances have automatic shut-off or large digital displays for reminder messages.
Bathroom. Install grab bars near the toilet and in the shower. A raised toilet seat can ease sitting/standing. Add contrasting colors to bathroom fixtures such as the toilet seat and faucet handles. Clearly label hot and cold faucets. Motion lights can reduce falls.
Bedroom. Add labels to drawers and closets to aid memory and organization. Ensure the bed is at a comfortable height. Add a soft night-light as a guide to the bathroom. Remove any throw rugs.
Outdoors. Clear pathways in the garden or yard, ensuring they are well lit and easy to navigate. Install secure gates if wandering is a concern. If you want to discourage them from leaving the house alone, camouflage door handles leading to the exterior.

Involve your loved one in the decision making whenever possible. It’s their home, after all. You can make many of these changes yourself, but professional help is available. Occupational therapists or aging-in-place specialists can assess specific needs and make recommendations. Some updates may require a contractor or handyman.

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Grief about pet loss

The death of a pet can be heart wrenching for anyone, and older adults are no exception. Especially for those living alone, pets serve as primary sources of companionship, comfort, and affection. They are often considered family members. This deep bond can make the loss of a pet feel as intense as losing a human loved one.

Unfortunately, grief about a pet’s death often goes unrecognized or is dismissed as less consequential than other losses. If your loved one has lost a pet, they may not want to share their feelings for fear of being judged. But when pain goes unacknowledged, it tends to feel even worse.

Consider how you can help them during this tender time:

Validate emotions. Let your loved one share their feelings freely. Hold back from trying to fix their pain. Your intentions are good, but what’s more valuable is to offer them understanding and validation. If they have trouble opening up, start with asking them to share stories about the pet.

Honor the pet. Brainstorm together what would feel most meaningful in memoriam. Perhaps they’d like to hold a simple ceremony and share memories of their pet. Or to preserve something special in their home, such as a collar or framed picture, to maintain a feeling of connection.

Find support. Seek out a local or online pet loss support group where your loved one can join with others who understand what they’re going through. Grief counseling may even be appropriate.

Consider donating. If finances permit, making a donation to an animal charity in the pet’s name can help channel the sadness into a positive action. Pass on favorite toys or blankets to a friend’s pet or a shelter.

Continue to check in with your loved one about how they are feeling. This is important even months after the loss. Offer a kind and compassionate ear. The grief process cannot be hurried.

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Minimizing the financial impact of caregiving

Is caring for a loved one beginning to feel like a wallop to your wallet? AARP estimates that family caregivers spend an average of $7,242 out-of-pocket each year. Your family member’s needs may also force you to reduce work hours or quit your job, affecting your present income and your savings for retirement.

Here are a few strategies to help manage caregiving costs:

Create a budget and use available benefits. Create a budget for caregiving expenses and track them separately. (This makes tax filing easier!) See if your employer offers flexible hours or paid family leave so you can keep working. Check with your relative’s Area Agency on Aging (AAA) for support in learning about local caregiver aid programs.

Leverage tax benefits. Review your caregiving expenses to see if you can claim your relative as a “dependent.” If so, you can deduct many expenses. Also consider creating a flexible spending account to cover their healthcare costs.

Seek government support. Review your loved one’s assets to see if they qualify for programs through Medicaid or Veterans Affairs. Medicaid services vary from state to state. Contact the office nearest your relative to learn about state programs, which can include payment for home care.

Ask for help and use community resources. Ask family members for help with either hands-on caregiving or paying for outside help. Instead of everyone buying Mom another scarf for her birthday, put that money into a fund for her care. Search for programs offered by local agencies and nonprofits. Many offer free or low-cost services such as respite care or transportation. Some service and/or fellowship organizations (e.g., Rotary, Lions) also have programs for eldercare.

Plan ahead. Keep an eye on your financial future and care needs. Look into long-term care insurance or an employer eldercare savings account. Consider professional guidance. Providing loving care doesn’t have to mean financial hardship for you. Taking these steps may help ease the strain.

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